IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries have introduced a law to eliminate working hours for employees. Why is this law introduced? Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#countries #law #hours #employees #development
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Law regulations and policies linked with
time
Use synonyms
 spent at
work
Use synonyms
 in Several nations
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
undergo
Change the verb form
undergone
show examples
 some changes. Evidence
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 for many having long working
hours
Use synonyms
 can be a pressure as long as less amount of
time
Use synonyms
 is spent in working places,
workers
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 and employees are usually more productive and there is a global shift toward shortening working
hours
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.
To
Change preposition
Due to
show examples
 the fast pace of life working
hours
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 are prolonged and frustration at
work
Use synonyms
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 of being set to
work
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. Some companies and firms expect their
workers
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 to accomplish tasks in a forced
time
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 or even they are given
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
duties or being asked to represent a project within
thin
Correct article usage
a thin
show examples
 deadline. In
such
Linking Words
 a situation many people at
work
Use synonyms
 complain about being asked to
work
Use synonyms
 intensively and they experience many problems associated with health issues. An experiment shows that working 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week and above can hazard human health and more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk of heart disease compared to those who
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 staying less
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
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. To alleviate the consequences of
this
Linking Words
 problem new rules
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been set for working
hours
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 job-holders feel less tired and exhausted and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relatively
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
less endangered. For
many
Add a comma
many,
show examples
 there is a blurring boundaries between home and
work
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. The reduction of
time
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 spent at
work
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 can help them
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 with family members and that can increase job satisfaction for many.
Linking Words
Further
Rephrase
Furthermore
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 feel much happier when they can spend more
time
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 tasks that they tend to put energy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and afterwards
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 deeply happy which leads to improvement in productivity. In general, when
workers
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves they always feel rejuvenated and feel less tired and stressed, they can
also
Linking Words
 create
work
Use synonyms
-life balance ever and
then
Linking Words
 they can boost the conditions at
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mary.zadegan on

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task response
Your essay addresses the task but lacks a clear position on whether the elimination of working hours is a negative or positive development. Try to clearly present your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some points are not well connected, and the progression of ideas could be smoother.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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