IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more excercise and spend more time with their family and friends whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems.What are the causes o this and what are some solutions

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that in the past,
people
Use synonyms
 were very happy and healthy in their lives and
invest
Wrong verb form
invested
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 more in family and friends.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays they are isolated and suffer from
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 causes. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the reasons and solutions to curb
this
Linking Words
 problem in the coming paragraphs before reaching a solid conclusion. To start with, there are a plethora of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 situation. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 are most isolated and busier in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, all individuals invest their
time
Use synonyms
 to focus on their careers rather than spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones. So, in the end, they have left no one to share problems
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 , they fall into
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 , in the UK, 50% of successful business
people
Use synonyms
 are in depression because of loneliness. The second reason is that human beings are living in the virtual world.
People
Use synonyms
 have been stuck with their social media.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , Youngsters prefer to chat with other
people
Use synonyms
 by avoiding their family values.
For instance
Linking Words
 , masses glued their eyes on screens and just sit in one place all day,
as a result
Linking Words
 , they suffer from health issues like weak eyesight and obesity. To overcome the above problems,
people
Use synonyms
 have to be encouraged to do physical activities. If they do exercises or yoga regularly, they can reduce their stress
as well as
Linking Words
 their health problems
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 , during
people
Use synonyms
 's busy schedules, they have to steal only 20 minutes for themselves on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis for a morning walk or meditation.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , youngsters have to spend some
time
Use synonyms
 with their families. Parents' experiences will
be helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 kids to know the world in the future and increase more interaction between them.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, the government can organize seminars to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to do physical activities. To exemplify, the government can make beautiful parks and easy access to gyms.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are various reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem, but solutions are available. if we begin to tackle the issue now, we may be able to prevent the situation from declining
further
Linking Words

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: