IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

#people #access #computers #children #video #games
In the 21 century
children
 grow up with computers, cellphones and many other technological objects.
This
 evolution has an impact on the way
children
 spend their time. Most of them enjoy playing
video
games
, boys
in particular
. Is it positive or negative for their development? It depends on how and for how long
children
 use it.
First
 of all, talking about the advantages, for parent’s it´s useful and easier having their
children
 grabbed on
video
games
 because they can do their life while their kids are distracted. Some
games
 are educational and good for the mind. If they are used on restricted hours it can be positive for
children
.
Nevertheless
, most of the
children
 spend a big part of their free time on
video
games
 and if they are not controlled it can be dangerous. Why is that? War
games
 like call of duty are very aggressive and allow
children
 to use guns and to feel stressed because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 really
simulate
Change the verb form
simulates
show examples
 war. Some of them are so
unto
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
video
games
 world that they stop living in the real world, playing with other
children
 in parks like they used to.
In addition
 to
this
, sometimes they can´t differentiate the real-life and the
games
, they can recreate the
video
 game scenario and it can put other people in danger. It already happens
children
 kill someone on the street like thinking it was a game, they stop being aware of what is real and what is not. How could we control it? In my opinion, it´s not necessary to banish
video
games
 of our life´s
children
 but parents should have the responsibility to protect their
children
 by having restricted hours for them to play and interchange with other activities in open air or playing other
games
 that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 involve technology.
Submitted by beatriz.ccottinellimc40 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: