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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

#people #access #computers #children #video #games
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In the 21 century
children
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 grow up with computers, cellphones and many other technological objects.
This
Linking Words
 evolution has an impact on the way
children
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 spend their time. Most of them enjoy playing
video
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games
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, boys
in particular
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. Is it positive or negative for their development? It depends on how and for how long
children
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 use it.
First
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 of all, talking about the advantages, for parent’s it´s useful and easier having their
children
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 grabbed on
video
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games
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 because they can do their life while their kids are distracted. Some
games
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 are educational and good for the mind. If they are used on restricted hours it can be positive for
children
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.
Nevertheless
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, most of the
children
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 spend a big part of their free time on
video
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games
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 and if they are not controlled it can be dangerous. Why is that? War
games
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 like call of duty are very aggressive and allow
children
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 to use guns and to feel stressed because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 really
simulate
Change the verb form
simulates
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 war. Some of them are so
unto
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
video
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games
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 world that they stop living in the real world, playing with other
children
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 in parks like they used to.
In addition
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 to
this
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, sometimes they can´t differentiate the real-life and the
games
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, they can recreate the
video
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 game scenario and it can put other people in danger. It already happens
children
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 kill someone on the street like thinking it was a game, they stop being aware of what is real and what is not. How could we control it? In my opinion, it´s not necessary to banish
video
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games
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 of our life´s
children
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 but parents should have the responsibility to protect their
children
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 by having restricted hours for them to play and interchange with other activities in open air or playing other
games
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 that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 involve technology.
Submitted by beatriz.ccottinellimc40 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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