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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is true that more and more people suffer from illness that has been caused by products which contain high amounts of sugar, and it is sometimes argued whether these products should be sold prohibitively expensive to diminish the consumption

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Introduction
It is true that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from
illness
Add an article
an illness
show examples
 that has been caused
by
Add a hyphen
by-products
show examples
products
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 contain high amounts of
sugar
Use synonyms
, and it is sometimes argued whether these
products
Use synonyms
 should be sold prohibitively expensive to diminish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sugaries
Correct your spelling
sugars
sugary
sugar
 may have some side effects on
people
Use synonyms
's health, it would be wrong to force all
people
Use synonyms
 to pay them more.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several root reasons why
Use synonyms
sugaries
Correct your spelling
sugar
sugary
 should be sold at a higher price.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the human body spends a lot of energy extracting
sugar
Use synonyms
 from the blood, because the high level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 puts pressure on
kidneys
Correct article usage
the kidneys
show examples
 which cause extra work and pain, and in the long term, incurable kidney illnesses are inevitable.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 become addicted to
Use synonyms
sugaries
Correct your spelling
sugary
sugar
sugars
 and sweets, especially children, due to the happiness hormone that is released after
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption. So if a child consumes more than enough, he, probably, will want more to be happy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that increasing
products
Use synonyms
 probably will not affect the sales. In all cases, customers will buy
Use synonyms
sugaries
Correct your spelling
sugary
 to be happy. Only vulnerable families are going to be affected by pricey
products
Use synonyms
, which have only negative impacts on needy individuals, and
also
Linking Words
 the choices of theirs will reduce, because the changes like 30% or 40% in prices
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are nominal for the rich.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is true that
products
Use synonyms
 with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
 have serious side effects on internal organs,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 in my opinion, the increase of prices not only will not affect the rich but
also
Linking Words
 will worsen the financial situation of the needy families.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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