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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
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With the advancement of technology,
death
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the death
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 rate is decreasing and more
people
Use synonyms
 are staying healthy even in older age
hence
Linking Words
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 in society. Some believe that it has
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact while others are saying
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 to it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views and explain why it has more advantages than
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.
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First
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The first
A first
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 major benefit of having
the
Correct article usage
an
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 older person at
home
Use synonyms
 is the responsibility. While youngsters are out for their work, grandparents at
home
Use synonyms
 would be able to look after the children.
Working
Correct article usage
The working
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 generation can work without bothering about their kids and their activity classes.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays kids have to attend multiple classes like
zumba
Change the capitalization
Zumba
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, swimming other than school. Grandparents can help them with pick-up and drop-off
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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 in the absence of their parents. Another reason is that they provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security at
home
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 and
this
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 keeps robbers away by knowing that someone is at
home
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.
Hence
Linking Words
presence
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the presence
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 of aged
people
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provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 a great benefit to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, elder
people
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 are putting pressure
for
Change preposition
on
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 their elderly care
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 when they fall sick and their son or daughter is working overseas.
For example
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,
father
Correct article usage
the father
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 of my best friend is living alone in his house because his son is working abroad.
Although
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 he is sending sufficient funds for his survival
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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he
need
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needs
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 to hire a nurse which is not easily available
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
.
Rising
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The rising
A rising
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 population of
this
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 generation is
also
Linking Words
 resulting
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 working
people
Use synonyms
 and
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 retired generation. Because employers have openings for
fresh
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the fresh
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mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 rather than old
people
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. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 there are some negative points of having
growing
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a growing
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 population of old
people
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 like
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
elder
 care and less number of
working
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the working
show examples
 population. Having grandparents at
home
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 help in many ways like child care and
home
Use synonyms
 safety.
Therefore
Linking Words
 advantages outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the disadvantages of aged
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by davinderkaur3190 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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