IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that public sports facilities improve people health problems. Others argue that this development has insignificant effects on public health. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #facilities #health #development #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain
Add an article
A certain
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of individuals claim that general sports
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 aids in resolving
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 related issues.
On the contrary
, some people assume that
this
 approach has no considerable benefits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the human body. In my perspective, I believe it has huge significance in improving
health
 which would be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, recreational centres
such
 as gyms, swimming pools are plays a vital role
innimproving
Correct your spelling
in improving
 well being of human . Owing to that fact, it
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in building endurance , strength and power that will ultimately increase the fitness level of a person.
In addition
, these places are accessible to every person
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community. So , one can easily use according to their
schdules
Correct your spelling
schedules
 .All these factors in combination
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
 a
stragety
Correct your spelling
strategy
 to build a healthy nation.
On the other hand
, these days people are extremely busy in handling
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
 and
completiting
Correct your spelling
completing
 targets and meeting deadlines. So they hardly get
somwtime
Correct your spelling
sometime
some time
 for themselves to utilise the benefits of these places.
In addition
 , there are many other sectors of the society which are needed to be improved to provide good
health
 services to citizens
such
 as hospitals. In my opinion , it is not possible
abd
Correct your spelling
and
afforable
Correct your spelling
affordable
 for everyone to get all
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
 at home as they are very expensive . Recreational centres
offfers
Correct your spelling
offers
 them at
a reasonable prices
Correct the article-noun agreement
a reasonable price
reasonable prices
show examples
 and even free of cost. So it gives chance to improve
health
 despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their financial condition. To conclude,
although
 a number of other sectors
also
 require good funding
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of incredible benefits of general games centres on
health
 which should not be ignored.
Submitted by Manvir kaur bhatti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: