IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
While submitting a job application, personal
data
 is asked by the
employers
 to know about their entertainment and family
details
. While others argue that personal
information
’s are not beneficial to the companies. In
this
 essay, I will argue both sides of view and provide my support.
To begin
 with, the
employers
 are asking their works family
information
 and personal interest to support their personal needs
such
 as arranging games, providing discounted tickets and any other benefits related to their families.
For instance
, in 2019 Thales Canada inc, collected their staff's
details
 while recruiting and sent enormous discounted tickets to their staff members to enjoy their vocations, as a ,
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
show examples
 the company productivity significantly increased in 2020 around 15% because of the offered tickets and
also
 the members stress released 50%. Having their own staff’s
information
 could be useful for a company to increase productivity.
On the other hand
, critic’s believes that the individual’s
data
 are not beneficial to the companies because it is not useful.
Moreover
, the
details
 are breached and misused by the hacker to steal their family
information
.
As a result
, the hacker could identify the personal
details
 and trap him in different ways. On top of ,that the family members could be in trouble when they know about the issues.
Therefore
, the individual’s
data
 should not be shared with their
employers
. In conclusion, private companies are asking their workers for
information
 to reduce stress and increase productivity.
However
, in my ,opinion personal
data
 should not be shared with their
employers
 to stay away from hackers who want to give trouble on their personal life.
Submitted by bharathi08mcml on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: