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Band 5

Recent research has shown that business meetings and training are increasingly taking place online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#research #business #meetings #place
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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 can use the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 in every place,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result,individuals
work
Use synonyms
 via the internet.Most of the companies arrange their meetings online.It has some benefits and drawbacks.
Linking Words
While working
Correct word choice
Working
show examples
 online decreases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation problems and employers spend less for their offices but it causes some health issues. Many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to be employed through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 because meanwhile,they can eat or do some chores at
home
Use synonyms
.In
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 women who do online
work
Use synonyms
 do not need to send their small children to kindergarten
consequently
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,they
saved
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 some money per month.
Moreover
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,company owners do not need
Add an article
a
show examples
spacious place because many of their
employees
Use synonyms
 are not at the office.
The vehicles
Correct article usage
Vehicles
show examples
 congestion will be reduced in cities
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 their workers and
students
Use synonyms
 do online
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and training ,
therefore
Linking Words
,air pollution diminished there.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 usually eat more snacks and food which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to increasing their weight as we know obesity has lots of health disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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 and diabetes.Experts researched the rate of obesity in
employees
Use synonyms
 who are at
home
Use synonyms
 compared to the workplace ,unfortunately,that illustrated some physical problems which
raised
Verb problem
arise
show examples
 in
employees
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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,communication between individuals declined and most of them only see each other at the computer screen which prevents appropriate bonding between colleagues
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will down
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job satisfaction.
Although
Linking Words
 all of these negative effects can happen for
students
Use synonyms
 and teachers who
work
Use synonyms
 online. In conclusion, doing jobs and studying are more comfortable on the computer but
people
Use synonyms
 face some difficulties.
citizens
Capitalize word
Citizens
show examples
 who occupy or train online should be aware of the detrimental impact which online
work
Use synonyms
 has and manufacturers owners have a duty to help
employees
Use synonyms
 do some exercise
while
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 working.The
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
 should set up some places for
students
Use synonyms
 to be familiar with their teachers and other
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rezakiannejad on

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task response
The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of online work and training, providing examples to support the points made. However, some points could be further elaborated to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that briefly summarize the main points. However, there could be a stronger link between paragraphs to improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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