IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

:Each year,the crime rate increases. What are the causes of come and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
Crime
Add an article
The crime
show examples
 rate has been increased drastically which has become a major concern for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each passing year .
This
 essay will discuss the reasons why there is a rise in
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activity and propose some solutions to
this
.
First
 and foremost, lack of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunity is the main cause of
such
 type of
activities
 as it creates
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on the mind of youth that they are not getting their desired jobs which will actually help the folks to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams and they end up getting indulge in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
criminal
activities
 in order to earn good amount of money from
Maafias
Correct your spelling
Mafias
.
Therefore
,
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 to
this
 problem is in the hands of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 so that
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to involve in
such
activities
. Another reason is the liberty in law due to which there is an increase in the
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
activities
 like Rape. Strict laws must be introduced and imposed immediately on the person who commits
such
 type of
crime
.
This
 can be seen in India as criminals do not get death
warrant
Fix the agreement mistake
warrants
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time when they commit
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 which motivates
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 to do so. To conclude,
crime
 rates must be controlled by state authorities to develop the nation in a positive way by imposing strict laws and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 good
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunities.
This
 will help the nation to grow.
Submitted by harpreet19071994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: