IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

#money #british #parents #children’s #sports #children #three #britain #time #period
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The graph line of the
first
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the spendings on
Use synonyms
sport
Add an article
the sport
a sport
show examples
 by parents in Britain from 2008 till 2014. The
second
Linking Words
 graph shows the tendency in preferences in three different
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities among British
children
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same period of time. Overall, it is clear that parents started to spend more money on sports. As for activities preferred by
children
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, football got the leading position, swimming got a slight increase in popularity too.
The athletic
Correct article usage
Athletic
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 sports encountered
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant growth. Average spending on
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities for
children
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 in 2008 used to be about 20 pounds per month. In 2014
this
Linking Words
 sum rose drastically, hitting just above 30 pounds.
The football
Correct article usage
Football
show examples
 was the most popular among British
children
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. In 2008 about 8
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
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 used to participate in
this
Linking Words
 activity, During the
next
Linking Words
 6
years
Add a comma
,years
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this
Linking Words
sport
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 only got more popular in 2014 the number of
children
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 hit 9
million
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. In 2008 about 2
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
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 were engaged in swimming. In 2014, more
children
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 were involved and the number increased to 3,5
million
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. Athletics was the least preferred of the three sports in 2008 with fewer than 1
million
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children
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 participating. From 2010 to 2012 there was
a
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apply
show examples
significant growth and the number reached 5
million
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children
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. In 2014 the line on the graph slightly declined to 4,8
million
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by di0404babayants on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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