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Writing Samples
Band 5

many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. many others prefer to work for a small company first. compare and contrast their choices and express your opinion

#graduates #first #job #corporation #work #company #contrast #choices
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nowadays, there are many
graduates
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 who want to start their
first
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job
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 in a big
company
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while
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 others prefer to start their
first
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job
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 in a small
company
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first
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.
this
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 essay will discuss both views of
this
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 statement on the one hand, many
graduates
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 want to start
the
Change the word
their
show examples
first
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job
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 at a big corporation
due to
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 it is the dream of many
people
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. working for a big
company
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for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
first
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job
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 helps
people
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 to have more
experiment
Replace the word
experience
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 in their career and
also
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 have more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
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 to
compere
Correct your spelling
compete
show examples
 with other
people
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 to have a higher position or higher salary.
in addition
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, beginning a career with a big
company
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 makes the CV
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
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 nice and can have a better impression with the next
company
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.
however
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, working in a big corporation for the
first
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job
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 can be tough and stressful
due to
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 the number of tasks and deadlines.
on the other hand
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, some
people
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 prefer to work for a small
company
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 at
first
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 because there are many small companies which are hiring many
people
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 at a time.
therefore
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,
graduates
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 will have more chances to get a
job
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.
in addition
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, starting the
first
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job
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 at a small
company
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 still
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 but
graduates
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 do not have to compete with many rivals or have a huge amount of work to do.
in contrast
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, working in a small
company
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 may not receive a high salary and
graduates
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 may have to change companies many times to have more experiments.
for instance
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, there are many
graduates
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 who do many jobs at one time because working at a small
company
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 does not have enough money to pay for bills and other aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life
to sum up
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, there are both advantages and disadvantages to working for a big or a small
company
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 and in my point of view, I believe that starting the
first
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job
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 at a big
company
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 is much better
although
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 it may have to compete with many
people
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 and
stressful
Add a missing verb
be stressful
show examples
.
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task response
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer structure and connection between your ideas and paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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