IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People, who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words

#people #countries #customs #traditions #country
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Most of them believe that migrants should obey the
countries
Use synonyms
 customs and
culture
Use synonyms
 of the place when they choose their new home. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because a person should follow
countries
Use synonyms
 law and order to maintain the security of local people and quality of lifestyle,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 an individual could not force anyone to follow their
culture
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 and traditions because that
their
Add a missing verb
is their
show examples
 own choice.
First
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 of all, nowadays
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people choosing the new
country
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 as their
second
Linking Words
 home
therefore
Linking Words
 as a migrant we should follow their
country
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 rules and regulation without any dought. Each
country
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 has a law to protect its local inhabitants, as a
migrant
Add a comma
,migrant
show examples
 we should respect the individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
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 east they have strong punishments for breaking rules and their regulations
therefore
Linking Words
 humans can not complain about their punishment. They need to follow the
countries
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 rules despite the punishment is harsh.
Second
Linking Words
 of all, different humans
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have kind of their own
tradition
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 to follow
therefore
Linking Words
 we can not force them to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 to new
culture
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 or
tradition
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 because many Asian
countries
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 have their special
tradition
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 and they will not be able to convert suddenly to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
tradition
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.
For instance
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, Muslims
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should eat halal (the way they cut the animal) foods and
also
Linking Words
 they should not eat pork.
This
Linking Words
menas
Correct your spelling
means
 if a Muslim person goes to china he will not be able to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 to eat pork.
Thus
Linking Words
, nobody can rule to change individuals
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tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 in order to migrate to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, every
country
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 has its own government administrative process and a totally different
culture
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 to follow.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion who wants to live in a different
country
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 should obey the customs of the
country
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 and no one should influence anyone to follow the
tradition
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rmohamed2005 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural assimilation
  • integration
  • traditions
  • customs
  • identity
  • diversity
  • tolerance
  • heritage
  • intercultural
  • enrichment
  • alienate
  • segregate
  • dialogue
  • uniformity
  • assimilate
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