Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?
These days, it is increasingly common that more and more
people
decide to go abroad for a better lifestyles
and workplace environment. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
This
tendency is given rise to by several reasons and I believe this
brings more harm than good to people
.
To begin
with, many people
believe that working overseas can bring them plenty of benefits. Firstly
, they are opting to work in many enterprises in some developed countries
, so they will get a higher incomes
than in their homeland. Correct the article-noun agreement
income
As a consequence
, their families' standard of living and economic condition will improve, especially for people
who migrate from third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
countries
to advanced countries
. Moreover
, they will have an opportunity to discover a new self and this
will lead them to a better understanding of their own person. They are gaining more confidence due to
the fact that they need to go out and make some new friends. Therefore
, the decision of moving
abroad demonstrates independence, motivation, maturity, responsibility and the ability to Change preposition
to move
take
decisions in their new life.
Correct your spelling
make
On the other hand
, there are some negative things that people
should notice. It is vital that living in a foreign country can make
individuals Verb problem
cause
get
culture shock, as there may be some traditions and customs that might not be suitable with them. They Verb problem
to experience
also
find some difficulties when intergrating
with many new cultures or lifestyles, Correct your spelling
integrating
due to
the language barrier. For instance
, English speakers find it perfectly normal to use the same greeting (such
as “Hi”) in both informal and formal situations, while
the speakers of Japanese have a very complex system of greetings, which takes into account several shades of formality.
In conclusion, it is true that a huge number of people
migrate to other countries
for living
and working professionals, but from my perspective, there are more drawbacks than benefits, as long as we Change preposition
to live
should
take time to adapt to the new culture and environment.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by t.m.khuong.1806 on
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coherence cohesion
Work towards making the structure more logical by clearly dividing the essay into distinct sections with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider deepening your discussion by providing more detailed reasons and examples. Make sure your examples elaborately connect to the argument you are making.
coherence cohesion
Work on the cohesion by using a variety of cohesive devices (connectives, conjunctions, and transitional phrases) to link ideas smoothly throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both the reasons behind migration and the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion parts of your essay are clearly presented, providing a good framing for your arguments.
task achievement
Several points are well-supported with logical reasoning and examples, which add depth to your analysis.
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