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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Older generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thought and behaviour. Most people argue that it is not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#generations #life #behaviour #people
The definition of education and learning
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 controversial, many aspects
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 changed over time
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to changes in our ideas and thinking. Most of the elderly refused to replace their beliefs, others think we must alternate our ideas in some aspects so we don't lose our children. In
this
, essay we will discuss
this
 and give my opinion about that. First of all, the traditional ideas were varied between people. Some thought becomes suitable to be applied in
this
 era and it's important to keep used during our lives. The old generation prefers to keep these thoughts because they believe it is determined by their identity and characters.
For example
, our grandparents refused the idea that girls wear shirts or pants as Jeans. They
belives
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 these clothes are only for men and when they wear them they lose their femininity.
This
 standard
believes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will
be changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 over the years because everything around us
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 changed. In the past,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked at home and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
popular clothes were dressed only. Nowadays, the job and variation in clothes have become enormous.
Moreover
, some thoughts were wrong and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 forbidden to apply .
For instance
, in
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 ,
ages
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
can't
Wrong verb form
couldn't
show examples
 go outside for work or even register in any school
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
. During our life ,span
this
 image was deleted .
Therefore
, I strongly support the idea that our children were born to time different from our future. We must adjust and modify our behaviours to become suitable for the time we live in.
On the other hand
, others suggest that changing opinions eliminate our identity and we switch ourselves. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
particular, some families do not apply traditional dance or wedding habits at their parties, so, when we attend the party we think they are from other countries that differ from their nationality. In conclusion, some behaviours and thoughts must be changed and the present
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
 us to modify them and we must become flexible in that. So that we can live in peace, but
this
 revision must be clear and not force us to obliterate our identity and beliefs.
Submitted by DA.11752 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined and present. Make sure to state your position on the topic in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You need to provide a more complete and clear response to the task prompt. Make sure to clearly express your opinion and provide specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and try to be more precise in your word choice. Also, pay attention to the collocation and appropriateness of the words you use.
grammatical range
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. Use a variety of sentence structures, correct verb forms, and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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