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Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet Other however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #governments #citizens
Nowadays, with the development of society, people have more opportunities to accept education compared with several decades ago.
Thus
, in the following essay, I'll publish my opinion and elaborate on it in specific.
First
, it's evident that
students
 could accept to education more convenient and wider. Since the internet appeared,
students
 can realise some knowledge that they don't know or are not good at it. They just search online and relevant information will reveal on your screen frequently.
For example
, before I study AP microeconomics in school, I'll watch some videos regarding economics on websites. And it boosts my capacity in these fields and doesn't relie n teachers.
Second
, the government were preoccupied with education, they invested a large number of funds to build more schools, employ wonderful teachers. And these schools have no tuition for
students
, even for some children from a not wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, they'll set scholarships to encourage those children to study hard.
For instance
, our school implements a policy that encourages us to study hard and get rewards. I think it's a good idea. In conclusion,
students
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 born in
adavna
Correct your spelling
Adana
advance
Submitted by richard52138 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
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