IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today.in the interest of the public health ,governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products.do you agree or disagree?

Smoking is a deadly illness
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world, smokers rate rise
day
Change preposition
from day
show examples
 to day tremendously, and
thus
Linking Words
, serious sickness can expand.
However
Linking Words
, some think that
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 should be restricted by the authority and, public health department as well as all
tobacco
Use synonyms
 goods too. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Cigarettes
Use synonyms
 always provide more adverse effects to people who are smoking;
this
Linking Words
 kind of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 has more nicotins
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
, and
as a result
Linking Words
,
these toxic
Change the determiner
this toxic necotin
show examples
necotin
Correct your spelling
nicotine
 can lead to giving an enormous amount of deadly
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer, and TB.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent report from WHO said that more than 70% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lung cancer brings from smoking
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world and more than 80% of the population smoke
cigarettes
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the globe.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these kinds of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 should be banned by the ministry.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the government would be banned
cigarettes
Use synonyms
,
the diseases rate
Change to a genitive case
the rate of the disease
the disease's rate
show examples
 would be reduced tremendously because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smokers do not have the chance to smoking and a country will be smoke-free
bation
Correct your spelling
nation
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
India have a new rule for
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 should not smoke in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
;
thus
Linking Words
, the rate of lung cancer reduces slightly than before.
Hence
Linking Words
, the government should be restricted for
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
cigarettes
Use synonyms
. To conclude, deadly
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 should be protected from numerous precautions, and
therefore
Linking Words
, the ministry should be banned these kinds of toxic products
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the population
might
Correct pronoun usage
who might
show examples
 be lived long years with
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Hence
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement in the above-mentioned details. I hope
this
Linking Words
 process is conducive to maintaining a healthy society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: