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Writing Samples
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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At
this
 current juncture, health issues have become an aspect of worry. The best idea to combat medical problems is to take proper prevention
instead
 of visits the doctors and going through the long processes of treatments and consuming various medicines.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 the governments should step ahead as helping hands towards
this
 phenomenon. As per my opinion, I completely support the idea to have preventions over treatments.
To begin
 with,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 and foremost noticeable thing to fight ailments is to have a proper dietary system that helps to fight the root symptoms and reasons of disease to the human body. Even though, one has healthy food on their table to feed
but
Correct word choice
apply
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,
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 prevention is the primary source to keep many deadly viruses away.
This
 is a positive approach to motivate oneself with the outcomes of falling sick for a long period as numerous detrimental effects could stick to an individual's body inside out. Governments should
also
 put extra efforts to educate the folks at the highest levels to make them aware of how they can curb
such
 illness at their personal levels and keep their families healthy as well.
Additionally
, by keeping
such
 basic medical awareness, people could save a sizable amount of money and most importantly valuable time, by preventing themselves to move out for medical treatments if they are caught with any of the diseases. To conclude, it is clearly evident that an individual can be
consequently
 happy and safe by keeping precautions against illness or disease, as there is an old saying "preventions is better than cure.
Submitted by ramandhimanptk on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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