The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
There has always been
the
attraction to investigating other cultures through many people Correct article usage
an
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
is
Verb problem
have
came
up with the argument that Wrong verb form
come
if
working in Correct word choice
apply
the
multinational Correct article usage
a
companies
is the best way. Even though I partially agree with the statement, there are better ways to comprehend a different culture.
On Fix the agreement mistake
company
one
hand, people spend more than half of each day at work so they become close-knit with their colleagues of course. Correct article usage
the one
Therefore
, perception and even transmission of some habits, attitudes and even Linking Words
believes
would be undeniable. Replace the word
beliefs
For example
, they probably find out about each other’s eating habits through time and as a friend, may attend the ceremonies which Linking Words
acquainted
them with the other customs. Wrong verb form
acquaint
This
acquaintance would Linking Words
also
lead them to resemblance but, there are always furtive aspects of a lifestyle that would not be revealed.
On the flip side, spending time with co-workers and friends may not be the best approach to Linking Words
Wrong verb form
understanding
understand
a culture which is Wrong verb form
understanding
Linking Words
although
one of the best ones. In my opinion, the most excellent way to comprehend a culture is to live among the population as a member of Change preposition
apply
them
for at least a year. It would lead a person to learn their language which is, I think, Correct pronoun usage
it
is
the radical step to find out about a new lifestyle. Unnecessary verb
apply
Therefore
, the opportunity Linking Words
of
broad communication would be given to the individual if she can speak the local tongue. Change preposition
for
This
, simultaneous with observing and attending regional ceremonies, Linking Words
for instance
, would help a person to learn a different lifestyle with the flesh and blood.
Linking Words
To conclude
, despite that some people Linking Words
are intending
to work in a multinational organization as a way to understand other cultures, it may not be the finest method to achieve Wrong verb form
intend
this
goal. There would be better procedures Linking Words
such
as becoming a member of the society to know the custom, in my view.Linking Words
Submitted by Sarah_nazari on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
You need to ensure that your ideas are fully developed and that you provide more specific examples to support your points. Also, pay attention to the organization of your essay, and make sure that your introduction and conclusion clearly present your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have made some good points, but the logical structure of your essay could be improved. Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly and are logically connected throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is quite good in this essay. However, try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and convey a deeper understanding of the topic.
Grammatical Range
You have demonstrated a reasonably good control of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and errors that affect the overall fluency of your writing. Pay attention to sentence structure and aim for more complex and varied sentence constructions.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?