IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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The advertising industry is one of the most important topics for producers. They insist on their products which are produced in a new way. Some of them lie in
this
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 way and
this
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 is not the right way of selling. Its cons are more than pros and I think it is a negative point for development. First of all, more
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 is the right goal of producers.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, when they lie and give the wrong information to customers they are betraying their customers and it is not acceptable. Wrong advertisements lead people to buy something which is not useful for them.
For example
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, when my child wants to buy a doll based on its television advertising, after buying she
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
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 something that she had before and it does not have a new facility. So it will be an unuseful toy for her.
Thus
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, not only did she waste her money on nothing new, but
also
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 she fell blue.
Due to
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 these effects, cones are uncountable in
this
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 matter. Because emotional
devasting
Replace the word
devastation
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 is not a countable subject.
Furthermore
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, businesses that are improving their sales by these kinds of lying, think about its short pros. Their benefits might be increased in the short term time. But, they do not mention that people will understand their lies sooner than they think. So, they tell each other
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not to buy that product and after that, their customers will drop and they should close their company if they do not solve
this
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 problem as soon as possible.
For instance
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, Lili company which had produced some toys for children,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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could not remain in a stable mood because of its lie about
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 design of products
due to
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 advertisements which they were not new. In conclusion, some negative points sometimes have positive influences in a short time, but in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term, they can destroy the whole project forever.

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task response
For task response, ensure to address all aspects of the prompt and provide a clear opinion on whether emphasizing new products in advertising is positive or negative. Develop your ideas further to provide a more detailed and nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas in a more logical manner. Use transition words to connect your sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Consider structuring your essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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