The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
For the
last
Linking Words
70 years,
children
Use synonyms
's overweight rate has been increasing
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
in wealthy countries. Some people believe the reason is the
number
Use synonyms
of fast
food
Use synonyms
outlets, while others do agree that
parents
Use synonyms
are not looking after their
kids
Use synonyms
' health. As far as I am concerned,
parents
Use synonyms
should be
concerning
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
about their
children
Use synonyms
healthy
habits
Use synonyms
even if the junk
food
Use synonyms
options everywhere has increased.
This
Linking Words
essay is going to discuss my opinion in regards to
this
Linking Words
matter. On one hand, it is true that the
number
Use synonyms
of
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
has increased in the past years. We are living in a modern world, where people have profoundly changed their eating
habits
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
fact leads to
kids
Use synonyms
having easy access to industrialized
food
Use synonyms
since their early years. One illustration of
this
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the research of Ronald Mcdonald’s association comparing the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of Happy Meals sold in Brazil, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was from 500,000 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1960 to 1.1 million in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010.
Thus
Linking Words
, undoubtedly
kids
Use synonyms
are overweight because of the access to these convenient
food
Use synonyms
outlets. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
of fast-
foodfood
Correct your spelling
food food
shops are increasing, organic and natural
food
Use synonyms
are
also
Linking Words
accessible in groceries shops and local community markets. For
this
Linking Words
reason, it is a matter of
parents
Use synonyms
taking the time to prepare an appropriate meal for their
kids
Use synonyms
, which is most of the cases the greatest issue in modern life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is a tremendous matter of the way
parents
Use synonyms
support their
children
Use synonyms
habits
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
world has been swift the way people consume goods in general as well as
children
Use synonyms
eating
habits
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
fast
food
Use synonyms
shops are increasing, I believe the reason why the
number
Use synonyms
of overweight
children
Use synonyms
is increasing is due to their
parents
Use synonyms
’ deprived management.
Submitted by robertanvieira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: