Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

Arguably, it is commented that

products

containing

sugar

should be

selling

Wrong verb form

sold

show examples

a higher prices

Correct the article-noun agreement

a higher price

higher prices

show examples

to promote less

sugar

consumption

. I completely agree with

this

view and think that one way to encourage society to consume less

sugar

is by making sugary

products

expensive.

First

and foremost,

sugar

can damage our teeth. To elaborate, high

consumption

sugar

can cause our teeth to rot and eventually blacken. If left untreated, the teeth will become dirty and spread bacteria all over our

mouth

Fix the agreement mistake

mouths

show examples

. It is

then

will lead to far dangerous diseases. On top of that, it will

also

ruin our looks when we smile.

Thus

this

is why it is important to not consume too many sugary

products

Secondly

, sugary

products

make people fatter. Fatness can lead to blocked blood circulation. Circulation which is blocked by fat will tighten the blood flow and can cause a heart attack.

The heart

Correct article usage

Heart

show examples

attacks happen very sudden and can cause death. It can be saved but the patients have to have fast access to the hospitals.

This

is why nowadays many people die because of

a heart attacks

Correct the article-noun agreement

a heart attack

heart attacks

show examples

Hence

, in order to prevent more death caused by that deadly diseases, it is better to reduce the

consumption

of sugary foods at once. To wrap up, I agree to sell sugary

products

more expensive. Large

consumption

of sugary

products

tends to lead to toothache and even death.

That is

why it is important for society to eat more healthy foods. It is okay to eat

sugar

but to

consumes

Wrong verb form

consume

show examples

it in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

everyday meals it's just too much.

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more in education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

everyone should be encouraged to use fewer resources rather than recycle more. To what extent do you agree?

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Do you think that this is a positive or negative development?

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?

IN SOME COUNTRIES MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE BECOMING INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT ABOUT THE HISTORY OF THE HOUSE OR BUILDING THEY LIVE IN. WHAT ARE THE REASONS FOR THIS? HOW CAN PEOPLE RESEARCH THIS?