Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers.

#people #posts #companies #government #men #opportunity #women #managers

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Nowadays, many

manager

Change to a plural noun

managers

show examples

in private companies and in government is male. So some people think If

women

Use synonyms

have

Add an article

the opportunity

an opportunity

show examples

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

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, they

also

Linking Words

will be

a successful managers

Correct the article-noun agreement

a successful manager

successful managers

show examples

. I

also

Linking Words

believe

women

Use synonyms

can be successful managers. Many high managerial posts are male

Remove the comma

apply

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because people always think

men

Use synonyms

are reliable. And they agreed that

men

Use synonyms

should work and make money to take care of their families.

Therefore

Linking Words

, because of

this

Linking Words

tradition,

women

Use synonyms

are

also

Linking Words

considered not to need too much salary or promotion

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

, most

women

Use synonyms

have no chance of

get

Change the verb form

getting

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high managerial posts. I can understand that people think

men

Use synonyms

are more suitable for these jobs because they are more independent, strong and look

Change preposition

apply

show examples

saliable

Correct your spelling

saleable

liable

salable

. But I think

women

Use synonyms

are actually more careful and can

carefu

Correct your spelling

careful

;

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

y many small details. The most important thing is that

women

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have more aﬃnity, can care about workers and exchange work experience. And now society more care about equality, so

women

Use synonyms

should have

provided

Add a missing verb

been provided

show examples

with the same job opportunity as

men

Use synonyms

. Governments and companies should both do it. Positions should be arranged according to personal ability, not gender.

Submitted by myang on Tue Jan 18 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

185 words

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Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people believe that modern games do not develop skill in children.However traditional games developed skills in childhood.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In maby countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

In many parts of the world, people are choosin gto have fewer children. Why do you think this is happening? What impacts may it have on society?

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?