Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers.

#people #posts #companies #government #men #opportunity #women #managers

Nowadays, many

manager

Change to a plural noun

managers

show examples

in private companies and in government is male. So some people think If

women

have

Add an article

the opportunity

an opportunity

show examples

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

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, they

also

will be

a successful managers

Correct the article-noun agreement

a successful manager

successful managers

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. I

also

believe

women

can be successful managers. Many high managerial posts are male

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because people always think

men

are reliable. And they agreed that

men

should work and make money to take care of their families.

Therefore

, because of

this

tradition,

women

are

also

considered not to need too much salary or promotion

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

As a result

, most

women

have no chance of

get

Change the verb form

getting

show examples

high managerial posts. I can understand that people think

men

are more suitable for these jobs because they are more independent, strong and look

Change preposition

apply

show examples

saliable

Correct your spelling

saleable

liable

salable

. But I think

women

are actually more careful and can

carefu

Correct your spelling

careful

;

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

y many small details. The most important thing is that

women

have more aﬃnity, can care about workers and exchange work experience. And now society more care about equality, so

women

should have

provided

Add a missing verb

been provided

show examples

with the same job opportunity as

men

. Governments and companies should both do it. Positions should be arranged according to personal ability, not gender.

Submitted by myang on Tue Jan 18 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

185 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

More and more people tend to watch foreign movies, so the local government should encourage the development of local film industry. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that teacher should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and what is wrong so that they can behave. Others say that teacher should only teach student academic subjects. Discuss both view with your own opinion?

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.