IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, many people change jobs quite regularly, rather than working in the company for their entire careers. Why do you think this is happening? How can companies keep their workers?

#people #change #jobs #company #careers #companies #workers
In
this
 fast-paced world, it is normal for many experienced employees around the world to relocate themselves to various companies rather than stick with one organization.
This
 essay will discuss why
this
 might be the cause and how the
company
 could have done to keep their crew. To commence with, the reason why individuals these days are likely to change their job more often than before. The main reason is not getting a reasonable salary. Even though most of the employees have worked with the
company
 for a long period of time, they still get nearly the same or slightly raise of remuneration rates.
For instance
, people who stay longer in the
company
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 usually will be assigned more tasks and responsibilities whereas, their salary is slowly increased throughout the year. Another reason is a promotion issue.
For example
, various companies,
however
, hired
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-equipped
staff
 from others for a higher position,
such
 as team leader or manager, rather than promoting their own
staff
. To encourage employees to stay working much longer in the same
company
, an attractive working policy is required. A
company
 should have a certain goal along with a career path for their
staff
. One good example is every organization should be prepared a guild book for workers which include details of benefits, promotion's plan as well as a salary rate adjustment. That could help
staff
 see their own future with the
company
 and willing to improve work skills in order to achieve
company
's goals. In conclusion, employers which not provide a competitive wage and chances of promotions are more likely to lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experienced
staff
. I believe that if people can see how far they can grow with the organization in the same way that
company
 can give them , they will definitely not
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for a job somewhere else.
Submitted by mnampimai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: