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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.
#three #show #changes #uk #school
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The given pie charts demonstrate expenditure changes in United Kingdom schools in 5 different categories namely, insurance,
teacher's
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers'
show examples
 salaries, furniture and equipment, resources and other
worker's
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
show examples
 salaries over the
20_year
Correct your spelling
20-year
 period. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,a huge amount of
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 accounted for teachers' wages during 20 years,
moreover
Linking Words
,the least
sums
Fix the agreement mistake
sum
show examples
 of money
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 insurance. First of all,all three surveyed years illustrate that
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and other workers' payments had the biggest proportion between 1981 and 2001.Schools spent between 40% and 50% of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 funds
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 tutors.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,in 1981 28% of schools' prices
utilized
Add a missing verb
were utilized
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 other employees and
also
Linking Words
 22% and 15% in 1991 and 2001 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 resources, furniture and equipment
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third
Linking Words
 place.It is interesting to note that between 5% and 23% for
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the proportion of findings which is used for insurance had the least amount among all sections.It started at 2% and
at the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 it rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 8%.
Submitted by ghafooriarya on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • educational expenditure
  • financial management
  • infrastructure investment
  • evolution of costs
  • annual spending
  • strategic funding
  • capital outlay
  • operational costs
  • resource allocation
  • fiscal trends
  • cost analysis
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