IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the possible solutions?

#people #home
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
people
Use synonyms
 don't feel safe at their properties and on the outside.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the rising number of committed violence or lack of care in adapting the households in a proper way. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to feel less safe around their households due to the constantly growing number of home invasions.
This
Linking Words
 is because of existing poverty disadvantages
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 different social statuses.
For Instance
Linking Words
, in my
family
Add a comma
,family
show examples
 no one has installed a
security
Use synonyms
 system due to lack of money. The solution for it might be the special government welfare which would cover some of the installation costs. With that in
mind
Add a comma
,mind
show examples
 we should put more pressure as a community
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the welfare administrations.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sort of the society
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not pay enough attention to adapt their homes to be more secure.
This
Linking Words
 is because of not caring about the
security
Use synonyms
 issues.
For Instance
Linking Words
, famous American rapper Pop Smoke has been found killed and burgled in his Los Angeles mansion after sharing his location on social media accidentally. Later on, the prosecutor said that his mansion has been adapted in a bad way. That's why it is very crucial to focus on your personal
security
Use synonyms
 at
first
Linking Words
, even if you are becoming rich and wealthy. To Summarise,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to feel less secure at home or when they are out. It's caused by existing violence around and
people
Use synonyms
 don't pay attention to the
security
Use synonyms
 issues. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem we have to put more pressure on the government for the development of new welfare projects which will help
people
Use synonyms
 to secure their households.
Submitted by chris.wojcik94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: