IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

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To introduce, some people in the society think advertising makes us buy things which we really do not need.
Whereas
Linking Words
 some believe placards are means through which new developments can reach people and help them
in enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
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 their lives. In the below paragraph, we will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides and my balanced view. On one hand,
firstly
Linking Words
, the word commercial itself means stimulating the viewer. It is the impact of advertisement, the current generation has more products with them than the previous generation. It is through finding new ways of announcements,
manufacturers
Correct pronoun usage
that manufacturers
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 are reaching more people and making them spend on items they do not need. For,example, compared to goods available at my parent's house, we at our house have more
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
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, which is an impact of increased advertisement in society. And most of the items are not used, like interior lights, fancy bulbs and others.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it increased our unnecessary expenses.
On the other hand
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, mainly, It is through publicity,
sellers
Correct pronoun usage
that sellers
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 can educate their prospective buyers about the new development. By doing publicity produce creators are giving details and benefits of output and it is the only way, for them to reach their end-users. Advertisers are not forcing anyone, just providing details of their labour,
furthermore
Linking Words
, it is the choice of the individual to buy a brand or not.
For instance
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, I like exhibits on electronic gadgets since they help me in educating about products. I
brought
Correct your spelling
bought
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 a laptop and mobile after looking at messages on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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.
As a result
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 of the details provided by messages, I was able to purchase the right product and fulfil my
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, advertisements are an essential part of society to know about new products. Just that there should be a balanced approach. They should be speaking and explaining about the product, rather than stimulating a purchase. Adverts should be bound by the rules of local authorities, who should clearly define boundaries and strictly control them.,
Moreover
Linking Words
 each product should only use one channel of publicity and not all.

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Task Response
Ensure a clear and specific thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. Use topic sentences to introduce each body paragraph and provide a clear concluding statement that summarizes the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical sequence and that ideas are linked effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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