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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, schools are open late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#countries #schools #children #parents #work
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Educational institutions are open a long time after
classes
 are finished in several nations, leading parents to work because their offspring are taken care of there.
This
 essay will discuss both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
 system.
To begin
 with, In terms of the positive aspects of the activities that provide students with supervision after
classes
,
this
 encourages their mother or father to engage in their work. If their offspring come back home as soon as finishing their classwork, the mother of the father must be at home to look after their offspring.
For example
, in Japan, it is common
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 an elementary
school
Fix the infinitive
to offers
show examples
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 services for guardians who have jobs. Another upside of
such
 activities is that they can give students security. If there are no
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
 activities, pupils may be alone at home. which may be dangerous because someone kidnaps because of a lack of protection by adults.
On the other hand
, there are some negative aspects of the action after
school
. It may be detrimental to children's development
due to
 the lack of communication with their parents.
For instance
, it is frequently seen that a child
stayed
Wrong verb form
stays
show examples
 at the building until night because the student's guardian cannot pick him or her up from the reason of their business.
This
 may be harmful to the pupil's mind.
Furthermore
, the situation of supervising pupils after
classes
 may weaken children's fitness. The reason for
this
 is that those who remain
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the building cannot play outside as other classmates do.
This
 may result in weaker body strength. In conclusion, there are both merits and demerits
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the system that pupils stay at
school
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes
.
This
 benefit is that it can
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 the parents to dedicate themselves to their work and can give children safety
while
 the minus point is that it may damage to child mentally and physically.
Submitted by ysk713 on

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task response
Ensure your examples are relevant to the points you are making. Provide more specific examples that directly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next and that your ideas are well-organized.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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