IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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Nowadays, a large number of people have been facing many health problems ,especially Diabetes because of the huge consumption of manufactured food and drinks that contained high levels of sugar.
Therefore
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, increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 would encourage consumers to consume less sugar. Personally, I am opposed to the view that it should be made more expensive.
First
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 and foremost, the major drawback regarding the recession in sweetened
products
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 is, it can lead to a severe economic downturn in terms of business failure and unemployment.
This
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 is because when the
price
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 has risen, there will be no demand and purchasing power, meanwhile, the business has produced high quantities of sweets.
In other words
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, there would rather be a loss in sales than profits which can lead to the shut down of business and
finally
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, workers will be unemployed.
Furthermore
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, according to the advancement made in the food industry, there is an alternative way of unsweetened
products
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 are manufactured
in particular
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 for healthy people.
In addition
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, these
products
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 can be sold
in
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at
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 a cheaper
price
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 while
,
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apply
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 they can be promoted and persuaded by consumers in the particular market.
For example
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, Coca Cola has introduced their 0 per cent sugar and no calories drinks. It has greatly captured people's attention to purchase those healthier drinks.
As a result
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, Coca Cola has accomplished the viral launch as well as gained benefit in sales without uplifting the selling
price
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. In conclusion, the desire for upsurging prices would be affected significantly on the economy with a higher rate of poverty. Whereas, there were various substitute sugary
products
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 that minimize the unhealthy consequences. All in all, it can generate more harm than advantages.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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