IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some people think that people can be encouraged to live healthy lives through sporting events such as Olympics or World cups. Others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#adults #exercise #people #lives #events #olympics #world #cups
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Exercise
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 is an important part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every human
life
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 where it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 mental as well as physical fitness.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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 in their younger age doing a lot of
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exercise
Change to a plural noun
exercises
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 either through their sports activities or through their school PT courses, but when start to grow they may engage into different element to carry out their
life
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 and often forgot to do
exercise
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 as
eariler
Correct your spelling
earlier
. In the current
context
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,context
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 there is a mixed kind of
believe
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belief
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 exist in the society
with
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apply
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regarding doing
exercise
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, where few think that
by
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apply
show examples
big
events
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 motivate
people
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 to restart their
workout
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 and
on the other hand
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 by different factors can encourage them to do activities which give
benefits
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 to
body
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the body
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. Olympics and world cups conduct every four years with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 level of standard, where a lot of players take part after preparing for many years of hard work and later winners become as a
benchmake
Correct your spelling
benchmark
 or motivational factors for others.
Therefore
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 it is
extermely
Correct your spelling
extremely
 easy to encourage young adults to express the benefit
those player
Change the determiner
that player
those players
show examples
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 from doing regular
exercise
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 in the respective game and
moreover
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 social media starts to publish the success stories of
those player
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that player
those players
show examples
 like how they have
prepare
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prepared
show examples
 themself to take part and win the crown, so
this
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 kind of
events
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 automatically boosting the adults to restart their
exercise
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 and encourage to achieve something in their
life
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. After the completion of
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of
event
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 we can observe
their
Replace the word
there
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 are few
people
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starts
Correct pronoun usage
who starts
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 to rejoin the gym or run in the nearest park,
this
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 indicates
example
Correct article usage
an example
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about
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain
people
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 thought.
However
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, those big
events
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 will take place only in four years time period, but we have to take care
about
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of
show examples
 our health, so by explaining the
benefits
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 that drive though doing the
exercise
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,
show case
Correct your spelling
showcase
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 the
people
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 who are suffering from
life
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 long
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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 due to lack of
workout
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 and explain the other
benefits
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 drive from
exercise
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 we can encourage our friends or family members to start to do
exercise
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. Recent research
paper
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papers
show examples
 indicate that nearly 45% of total patients
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 illness due to lack of
exercise
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.
Physcial
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Physical
 fitness is the main root cause for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fitness
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
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 we have to allocate proper time to do
Correct your spelling
at least
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at-least
Correct your spelling
at least
show examples
 some sort of
exercise
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 on a regular interval,
however
Linking Words
, doing
workout
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 on a regular basis is a
diffcuties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 task
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 my watching the motivation videos or programme
people
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 can keep a track.
Therefore
Linking Words
 big
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event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 like world cups and
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
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 reflect the real example in a live environment
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 I strongly believe that
those
Change the determiner
that event
those events
show examples
event
Use synonyms
 will encourage
people
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 to restart their
workout
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 to achieve the
benefits
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. In conclusion, I brief saying that
as a result
Linking Words
 of big
events
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 a lot of
people
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 start to restart their
exercise
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 to achieve
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their
Use synonyms
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 goals like
event
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 players and make their body and health in a fit manner.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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