IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #college #university #job #outweigh
Nowadays in the world, many young people are likely to live under the same roof with their
parents
 than have an independent
life
 after finishing college or having a job. While living alone can bring some risks, I am convinced that it is more likely to have long-term benefits for their lives. Being independent in adult
life
 is one of the most important factors that help them to be more confident in daily
life
. Independent people naturally tend to be a little more confident in handling issues affecting their lives. Confidence gives young people the strength so that they can easily come up with many optimal options to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems. Confidence,
in addition
, can
also
 be advantageous for the candidates to succeed in their career
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because recruiters tend to
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 someone who could express their excellent ideas
instead
 of being quiet in the whole conversation.
On the other hand
, living with
parents
 may lose their endurance and cannot develop the abilities to cope with
life
's problems. With the pampering from
parents
, they become vulnerable and lazy, which are very common.There are a lot of tough lessons and
curve balls
Correct your spelling
curveballs
show examples
 that
life
 throws, and learning to catch them is part of growing up. By living with
parents
, they are shielding themself not only from hardships
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 from the lessons
life
 has to offer. To conclude, living independently can be a little risky and hard but it is much more worth
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developing the solving ability and social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 than living with
parents
 and becoming the
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
 version of themself.
Submitted by hoangthanhnam.dav on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: