The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business, and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights? Do you think flights should be taxed more?

Thanks to technological
development
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and economic growth,
people
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fly much more often these days compared to the past. As
flights
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are more common, it brings various effects.
This
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essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, an enormous
increase
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in
flights
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brought many advantages.
Firstly
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,
flight
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companies
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employ more
flight
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attendants and ground staff to serve travellers.
Secondly
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, these needs lead aeroplane
companies
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to develop the quality of their planes. To illustrate, when demand is increased, supply
also
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is increased because of the economic law.
Thus
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, plane
companies
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are forced to make their planes better, faster,
safer
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and safer
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to be chosen among various plane
companies
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.
Overall
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,
this
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trend leads to higher employment and quality
development
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of planes.
On the other hand
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,
this
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trend
also
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has a detrimental impact.
In particular
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, an
increase
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in
flights
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is harmful to the environment. Since emissions coming from aerocrafts are much bigger than any other transport,
flights
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make air pollution worse and faster.
Although
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an
increase
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in
flights
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brings many benefits,
people
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should focus on and
alert
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be alert
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the
Change preposition
to the
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environmental
effect
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effects
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.
People
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should pursue long-term
development
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which means economic advancement and protecting the environment at the same time. To lessen the harmful
effect
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effects
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of
flights
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, imposing more taxes can make
flight
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companies
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fly less.
To sum up
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, despite the advantages that an enormous
increase
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in
flights
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has brought, there is a big disadvantage. Since
people
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should preserve the Earth and pursue long-term
development
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, the government need to make
flight
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companies
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pay more taxes to lessen the negative effects.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states that the essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which is great. However, you could make your thesis statement stronger with a more definite viewpoint on the taxation issue.
task achievement
In the paragraph on advantages, your points are valid but could be better linked to the impacts on the economy and job markets for better clarity. More specific examples of companies or statistics could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your conclusion sums up your ideas well but would benefit from a more decisive statement about whether taxes should indeed be increased, rather than just stating the government should take action.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a generally logical flow, but improving transitions between points in each paragraph can enhance cohesion. Phrases such as 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore,' could be used to connect your ideas more fluidly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each main point in your body paragraphs is sufficiently supported with examples or evidence. This will improve your overall score for supported main points, as it demonstrates a thorough exploration of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, which assists in navigating your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your language is mostly clear and easy to understand, making it accessible to readers.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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