Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environenmental pollutions and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, illness and diseases have been preying on the minds of millions of
people
in the world. Some people
suggest that the only way to win the battle against these invisible enemies is by addressing environmental hazards and housing issues. As far as I am concerned, i
am on the same wavelength with Change the capitalization
I
this
statement.
There is no room for doubt that environmental pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
are
increasingly worse and Correct subject-verb agreement
is
have
a negative impact on human health. Take, air pollution as an example,which is caused by emissions from industrial factories and vehicles, Correct subject-verb agreement
has
has
been blamed for Correct word choice
and has
contracting
respiratory problems Verb problem
causing
of
citizens. Change preposition
in
However
, these thorny issues are not solved if the governmental bodies do not join hands in
. They should enforce laws to fine the transgressions polluting public areas, Rephrase
apply
encourage
dwellers to commute by public Correct word choice
and encourage
transportations
. Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
Therefore
, a wide range of positive solutions for the authorities to do so they
should raise their voice and improve the living standard of Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
.
In addition
, the housing problem is also
a concern for the state to pay attention to, especially in metropolitans where the
high proportion of workers concentrate there. Correct article usage
a
Due to
the high living cost, some labourers become homeless and do not have fixed accommodations, they sleep in dirty places, such
as under the bridges or on the pavements. That residing
in unhygienic areas Correct pronoun usage
Residing
put
them at high risk of contagious diseases, which could spread the virus to other innocent Wrong verb form
puts
people
, leading to the pandemic outbreak.
In conclusion, no countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
want
to be isolated from diseases and illness so the local states must introduce and enforce appropriate measures to alleviate environmental issues and housing problems.Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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task response
Your essay addresses the task topic but lacks in providing a clear and comprehensive analysis of the issue. The points made are somewhat relevant but need further development and elaboration on the relationship between environmental issues, housing problems, and illness prevention.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure of the essay is evident, but there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas within paragraphs and the overall flow of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly linked to the main body of the essay.