IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for one's health. VinMec’s top management must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#hours #stress #health #vinmec’s #management #type
It is said that working long
hours
 is one of the most common causes of
stress
 and has a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 human's health.
Vinmec
's top management
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to find the solution of reduction of
this
 type of
stress
. I totally agree with
this
 statement for
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 reasons.
Firstly
, medical
staffs
 frequently
work
 for long duration and spend
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra time at the hospital for duty or emergent
work
. They spend several
hours
 for complex or complicated operations, emergent procedures for day and night time.
Some time
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
 the operation can take 8-12
hours
.
As a result
, medical
staffs
 usually have problems with working long
hours
 type of
stress
such
 as physical diseases
such
 as gastritis. heart attack or mental disorders, particularly lack of sleeping, depression.Long
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 working in some
condtions
Correct your spelling
conditions
 may lead to fatal complications
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
medicall
Correct your spelling
medical
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
.
Secondly
, doctors or nurses with long
hours
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
stress
 can be harmful not only for themselves but for the patients. They
work
 in the status of lack of concentration for days and nights and may cause severe medical errors
such
 as giving wrong prescriptions with
over doses
Correct your spelling
overdoses
show examples
 of drugs, wrong medications, wrong patient's identification, left-right confusion during surgery. Long
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 working in some
condtions
Correct your spelling
conditions
 may lead to fatal complications
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 patients.
Vinmec
 Health Care System is one of the best Health services in Vietnam
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 only private but
also
 state areas.
Vinmec
 working
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is evaluated as
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 class for equalities,
sastisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
, competitive income, happiness. In
Vinmec
, medical
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 are not allowed to
work
 more than 48
hours
 continuously. For
further
 investigation of human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 as one of the
fisrt
Correct your spelling
first
 crucial
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 of
Vinmec
,
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 management
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to find a solution to reduce
stress
 due to long
hours
 working among the
staffs
. In conclusion, I totally agree with the statement.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!