IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for one's health. VinMec’s top management must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#hours #stress #health #vinmec’s #management #type
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that working long
hours
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 is one of the most common causes of
stress
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 and has a negative impact
to
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on
show examples
 human's health.
Vinmec
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's top management
have
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has
show examples
 to find the solution of reduction of
this
Linking Words
 type of
stress
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. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, medical
staffs
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 frequently
work
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 for long duration and spend
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra time at the hospital for duty or emergent
work
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. They spend several
hours
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 for complex or complicated operations, emergent procedures for day and night time.
Some time
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Sometimes
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 the operation can take 8-12
hours
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, medical
staffs
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 usually have problems with working long
hours
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 type of
stress
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such
Linking Words
 as physical diseases
such
Linking Words
 as gastritis. heart attack or mental disorders, particularly lack of sleeping, depression.Long
hour
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hours
show examples
 working in some
condtions
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conditions
 may lead to fatal complications
of
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for
show examples
medicall
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medical
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staffs
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staff
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, doctors or nurses with long
hours
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working
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of working
show examples
stress
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 can be harmful not only for themselves but for the patients. They
work
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 in the status of lack of concentration for days and nights and may cause severe medical errors
such
Linking Words
 as giving wrong prescriptions with
over doses
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overdoses
show examples
 of drugs, wrong medications, wrong patient's identification, left-right confusion during surgery. Long
hour
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hours
show examples
 working in some
condtions
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conditions
 may lead to fatal complications
of
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for
show examples
 patients.
Vinmec
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 Health Care System is one of the best Health services in Vietnam
on
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in
show examples
 only private but
also
Linking Words
 state areas.
Vinmec
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 working
enviroment
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environment
 is evaluated as
high
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a high
the high
show examples
 class for equalities,
sastisfication
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satisfaction
, competitive income, happiness. In
Vinmec
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, medical
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staffs
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staff
show examples
 are not allowed to
work
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 more than 48
hours
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 continuously. For
further
Linking Words
 investigation of human
resource
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resources
show examples
 as one of the
fisrt
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first
 crucial
policy
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policies
show examples
 of
Vinmec
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,
it
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its
show examples
 management
have
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has
show examples
 to find a solution to reduce
stress
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 due to long
hours
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 working among the
staffs
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. In conclusion, I totally agree with the statement.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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