IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some Vinhomes areas, fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks are now sold in more shops and at lower prices than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#vinhomes #areas #food #meals #drinks #shops #prices #development
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Nowadays
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Nowaday
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Nowadays
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, With the improvement of
industry
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the industry
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 economy induce people
have
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to have
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 to perform
lot
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a lot
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 of
job
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jobs
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 in one day,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
food
 is one of the very effective options for
staffs
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staff
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 after work. Because with short
time
 to buy, rapidly to eat and
easily
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easy
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 to find, delicious in taste people can save much money and
time
 if they use fast
food
 and sugary drinks. But with using these unhealthy foods, they haven't known what harm they will get in the future for their
health
. There are many problems in Human's
Health
 after
long
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a long
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time
 of using fast
food
 and high level of sugar diets which have been demonstrated that were very
dengerous
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dangerous
 to heart, liver, brain and kidney function. There are many kinds
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of disease
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disease
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diseases
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 that
are
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is
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 related to fast
food
 including: Myocardial
infartion
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infarction
infraction
, Ischemic stroke and diabetes. Whenever you eat fast
food
 or use unhealthy drinks today, you can not
image
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imagine
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 how terrible you will get to your
health
 which only
come
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comes
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 with you in the future.
This
 harmfulness is invisible but constantly increases day by day, you only find them out when your
health
become
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becomes
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 bad so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it is difficult to cure. So,
Although
 there is
much advantage
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many advantages
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for
Change preposition
to
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 fast
food
 and
Sugary
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sugary
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 drinks that you have to use whenever you don't have enough
time
 to prepare a good meal. But please don't
abuse
Correct pronoun usage
itabuse
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, the more frequent
unhealthy
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the unhealthy
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 diet you get today the more harmful to your
health
 you will get in the future. Please try to be scholarly in eating and drinking,
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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strength is the most precious
instead
 of money or fame.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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