Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views, and give your opinion.

Few believe
in University or college leads to a successful
, apart from them some students quit their
soon after completing the schooling to get a job. In my point of view,
Change the capitalization

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

show examples
believe that graduation is necessary for a successful
and to stand independently. Nowadays, graduation is the primary requirement, to achieve technical and qualified Jobs. In order to get respectable pay, a person needs to have good qualifications. Keeping in mind people believe that college
definitely improve their
. Let us take, to become a teacher, or to become a Doctor, they need be graduated. Alternatively, these days
became commercial, some students are not in a position to opt for higher
on the other
Add the comma(s)

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter on the other hand. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
they break their
after school and find the jobs which are relevant to them, like assistants, technicians, etc. To conclude,
always encourages, enlighten the student
in the right path, studying beyond school will
improve their financial position. Though for certain students it's hard to complete their higher
, for sure the time spent on completing their graduation will earn them a good life.
Submitted by sirisha.pulla on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Check IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2 Online
Instantly see mistakes you've made and learn how to avoid them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Improve your writing score in 2 weeks
Hundreds of algorithms will assess your writing according to 4 evaluation criteria. Writing9 helps you find the weak points of your essay and make it flawless.