Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while other say children should stay at their parents house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

It is believed by some people that youngsters should leave their own houses when they grow above 18 because it helps to become them, responsible and independent.
However
, others find children should be leaving their homes after getting maturity and they should stay with their parents for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
whole life.
Therefore
, I opine that
families
play a vital role in everyone's life. It is irrefutable that some individuals consider,
children
Correct word choice
that children
show examples
should leave their homes as soon as they become adults because leaving their own areas can give them more advancements.
For example
, nowadays, more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
youngsters are staying away from their native villages
due to
work, study and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other purposes.
Additionally
, with
this
development, they become responsible and independent.
Also
, become able to take
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsibility and decisions independently which can help to solve all the problems.
On the other hand
, if they leave their
families
, they can easily focus on their careers and can get knowledge about the outer world which helps a lot to attain more opportunities in their life.
On the other hand
, others believe that
families
are important for everyone and everyone should stay with their parents because it helps a lot to share their all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties with their supporters and guardians can solve their all issues in an effective way.
Moreover
, they can learn
add
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
improve many skills like cognitive and interpersonal skills which can help, how to behave, how to save money for their coming future and how to express themselves in front of others. Hopefully, it is good for their mental development. In conclusion, some pupils consider that children should leave their
families
at an early age because it has so many merits.
Although
some think, parents are essential to solving their all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worries. In my opinion, I
also
considered that multitudes should stay with their guardians because they always stand with them in every situation and always guide them on what is good or bad.
Submitted by ankeshsaini100 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve task response by addressing both views in a more structured manner. Coherence and cohesion could be developed by using transition words and organizing ideas better. Work on expanding lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary. Grammatical range can be expanded by using a variety of complex sentence structures and accurate grammar forms.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing the essay more coherently. Use more cohesive devices such as transition words to connect ideas better. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and more academic and nuanced language. This will help to enhance your lexical resource and improve the overall quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Develop a wider range of grammatical structures including complex sentences, conditional sentences, and a variety of verb tenses. Ensure that your grammar is accurate and consistent throughout the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: