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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #children
Developed
countries
 often have programs to help the poor
countries
 to improve their condition by providing financial
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
.
However
 the financial
aid
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 given, often time does not solve the root of the
problem
.
Thus
, no matter how much money is given, it will not be sustainable and underdevelopment is still not be solved. I personally agree that the
aid
 given must be directly targeting the
problem
 itself, which can be not in the form of money, it may be in other forms
such
 as education and access to technology. Solving
poverty
 can be in many ways. A
country
 may need help from other
countries
 to emerge from
poverty
.
However
, there are many components that should be improved. Financial
aid
 given from developed
countries
 is very beneficial for a
country
 that suffers from
poverty
.
However
, without a targeted direction, the impact of the
aid
 may only in short-term. A
country
 should be independent and able to be managed by its own citizen. Financial
aid
 will never be enough for a
country
 to evolve
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the human resource quality is not well managed.
Therefore
, the
aid
 can be given in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different forms which target the roots of the
problem
.
For instance
, the lack of qualified human resources can be answered by education
aid
. Another example is the unavailability of technology and resources can be improved by providing the access to resources and technology. In conclusion, I believe that solving a
country
's
poverty
 is not enough with financial
aid
. The
aid
 should be answering the targeted
problem
 for a
country
 to thrive by
themself
Correct pronoun usage
itself
show examples
.
Therefore
, any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of
aid
 can be given to them to become an independent
country
 that frees
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
poverty
.
Submitted by Kusuman.retno on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unpaid
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching younger children
  • valuable learning experiences
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving
  • compassion
  • empathy
  • connect
  • positive impact
  • mandatory
  • personal development
  • social development
  • interested
  • motivated
  • volunteer
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