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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many think in today's world it is very difficult for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Others, However, feel that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the modern world, it is essential to keep in shape
due to
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people
Use synonyms
's mental and physical effects. Some believe that maintaining a healthy
lifestyle
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 is too demanding.
However
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, others think being fit for
people
Use synonyms
 is easy if they want.
This
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 essay will discuss these views and give a conclusion based on my opinion.
Firstly
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, a group of
people
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 believes that
people
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 are busy and hardworking nowadays so maintaining a healthy weight is difficult and somehow infeasible for them. Most are under snow and have no free time to do sports or have a proper diet. Provided that citizens engaged with different tasks and responsibilities on all days of the week, they would not be kept in shape
due to
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 eating unhealthy meals and not having enough time for exercise. The other major
fact
Correct your spelling
factor
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 could be depression. The rate of depression is high in the majority of human communities, and
consequently
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, depressed members mentally and physically have no aptitude to have or try for a moderately healthy
lifestyle
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. They can not do any exercises or focus on their diet and nutrition, so staying fit seems challenging and is not practical.
On the other hand
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, opponents think if
people
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 wanted to be healthy, they would be able to, and by no means is it difficult. There are lots of ways to keep in shape nowadays.
For example
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, online courses are a decent solution for doing sports everywhere.
This
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 helps humans to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise easily. Online courses on famous applications
such
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 as the Nike app are really suitable for beginners and advanced levels. So, busy guys can have a healthy
lifestyle
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 with a short time devoted to the sport.
Consequently
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, there are really professional nutritionists to help
people
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 be moderately healthy and have an excellent diet. It is beneficial to curb overeating and eliminate bad meals. They can have good diets, and nutrition plans include plenty of fruit and vegetables. Accessing a variety of these plans is easily possible in the modern world.
To conclude
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, it seems we have lots of easy ways to have a healthy
lifestyle
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 and to keep fit nowadays, these ways are suitable for every type of
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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such
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 as
for
Change preposition
apply
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overweight or busy
people
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. In the end, these days, we physically and mentally need excellent healthy diets.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on each point with additional detail and examples, which would strengthen your arguments and provide more depth to your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all your paragraphs follow a clear structure. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences to develop your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work to catch small grammatical errors and improve clarity. This will help improve the overall fluency of your writing.
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before giving your opinion, which is a strong approach to the essay question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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