Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and your opinion.

In
this
contemporary epoch, migrating from any
country
to a well-developed
country
is very common.
However
, there has been a controversy among people regarding
peoples'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
migration from one
country
to another; numerous people believe that
their
Change the word
the
show examples
next generation can acquire a better lifestyle,
while
others think it will be difficult for the
children
to cope with the foreign environment. In my perspective, not only
children
but
also
the whole family can lead a prosperous
life
in future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they migrate to any
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
and peaceful
country
. On the one hand, humans always want betterment in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, and
therefore
they work hard to foster their economic status and value of
life
. Even if they have no
such
opportunities in their own
country
, they try to move to another economically developed
country
so that their
children
can pursue desired educational degrees in a renowned university.
For example
, a plethora of students from worldwide come to Canada for tertiary studies.
Consequently
, the migration rate to Canada is increasing significantly. On the other side, sometimes it has become challenging to adapt to a new environment in a foreign
country
, especially for the
children
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have friends and a strong childhood memory of their own
country
.
Moreover
, they suffer an identity crisis in the new place since everyone is unknown to them, including their school and playground, which could be the leading cause of their trouble.
For instance
, One of my relatives went to Germany
last
year with his whole family with their two
children
. After settlement in that
country
, their
children
became depressed because of deep feelings for their old school.
As a result
,
life
became considerably hard for those
children
to survive.
Nevertheless
, sometimes parents have no choice
to
Correct word choice
but to
show examples
make their
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
future better. In conclusion,
Although
it is problematic to enter an uncertain new environment from a known place, it
also
could bring blessings for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
following generations. I believe it is better to
pass
Verb problem
have
show examples
a bit hard time
to adapt
Change the verb form
adapting
show examples
to an unknown location to get a preferable living.
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coherence cohesion
Clearly divide the essay into paragraphs. Each main point should have its own paragraph to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support each main point. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Simplify complex sentences where possible. This helps in improving the clarity of your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view of the topic.
complete response
The main points are relevant to the topic and provide a comprehensive response to the task.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes a personal example, which adds a real-life perspective to the argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • adaptability
  • cultural awareness
  • disruption
  • educational systems
  • emotional well-being
  • broaden perspectives
  • open-minded
  • personal growth
  • instability
  • rootlessness
  • sense of belonging
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