IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is better to have a job that provides a very good salary than a job that pays less but is more satisfying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When thinking about jobs, some put emphasis more on wages than on job satisfaction. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why I am against the idea that salary is more important.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
first
Linking Words
 reason why I reckon job-related satisfaction is vital is that the purpose of working is to make people happy. A case in point here is that my occupation is a psychiatrist and my extreme joy is to take care of patients. Through practice, I often acquire gratitudes from my patients and their family. Nothing is more precious than seeing my patients recovering from their ailments, even though the profession is challenging and demanding.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, high-paid work is sometimes so hectic that employees feel depressed or exhausted and get diseases. Take an advertisement
company
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, Dentsu, the
first
Linking Words
 ranked promoting
company
Use synonyms
 in Japan, is famous for requiring their labourers to work hard and overtime and for its high salary. Two years ago, a young woman who worked for the
company
Use synonyms
 got depressed and committed suicide, which provoked drastic arguments and attracted significant public awareness about the labour issues. In the end, the
company
Use synonyms
 changed the administrative way because of drastic accusations from the public. The reason for the incidence has resulted from the
company
Use synonyms
's attitude toward pursuing profits. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that high-salary should be more taken into consideration than rewarding mentally.
This
Linking Words
 is because of my perspective that offering happiness to customers is the extreme purpose of working and jobs sometimes become devastating to people who work for the organization.
Submitted by ysk713 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: