IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Traditional medicine is more benefits than modern medicine

#medicine
Acupuncture for stomach disease just
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to pay between five dollars until ten dollars, 
although
 use surgery
treatment
people
 need to pay hundreds of dollars. Apart from
this
, some
people
 who live in an isolated area far from hospital facilities hardly reach
treatment
 from a doctor. They prefer to treat themselves with alternative
medicine
 because
people
 can do it by themself. Take, if
people
 have an obesity problem, can implement some yoga or a healthy diet without the need to do liposuction in the hospital.
On the other hand
,
people
 who experienced using alternative methods believed there are no side effects for the human body.  A good example is someone who has stomach acid disease needs to consume various
medicine
 before eating, which can be dangerous for their healthy kidneys.
However
, if
people
 like that consistent with doing Tai chi
treatment
 and drinking herbal tea, they don't need to worry about the side effect. I strongly believe that
people
 implementing alternative
medicine
 and conventional
medicine
 should coexist. They have different strengths that can help many
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because every human body sometimes has different reactions to
treatment
. It can make many offering to
people
 medicate their paint.
Submitted by nurulrofifah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: