It is more important to invest in further education rather than to gain work experience after finishing university in order to find a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #gain #work #university #job

It is believed that pursuing higher

education

plays a more vital role in being successful in finding a decent

job

compared to entering

market

Add an article

the market

show examples

after graduation. In my opinion, I strongly believe that continuing

education

is more essential and in

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I intend to express my justifications. It is my view that as finding an adequate

job

has dramatically become competitive, having a higher

education

would potentially distinguish

job

seekers and pave the way in order to find a more suitable

job

. To illustrate, some corporations tend to recruit employees with strong credentials since most of their positions are highly demanding and

also

are required to be done by an expert,

therefore

, an individual who has

masters

Add an article

a masters

show examples

degree or PhD is probably more welcomed in

such

companies.

In addition

, not only does holding a higher degree broaden people’s horizons and knowledge, but

also

gives them a sense of confidence because it substantially contributes to having a better social status.

In contrast

, some people claim that entering workplaces is more crucial. They firmly insist that if youths do not enter workplaces after their graduation, they will not become successful in their future as most jobs require a person with highly-developed interpersonal skills,

thus

such

manners will not be easily gained but with working.

However

, I do not find

this

statement convincing because most tertiary institutions are organizing some specific internship courses In order to prepare students for entering

market

Add an article

the market

show examples

and with

such

amenities students are more likely to become accomplished in their social career. In conclusion, while there are some negative perspectives associated with pursuing

graduated

Replace the word

graduate

show examples

education

, I completely agree with it as it is more beneficial for people’s

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

and social standing in

their

Change the word

the

show examples

future due to the reasons I have already mentioned above

Submitted by neginmokri.mk on Sun Jan 30 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is more important to invest in further education rather than to gain work experience after finishing university in order to find a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsbilities . To what extend do you agree or disagree

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvatages?

Some feel that students should not have to take standardized tests in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that teaching children of different abilities together benefits all of them. Others believe that intelligent children should be taught separately and given special treatment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.