IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people today find that the cost of attending a university level education is extremely high for students and their family. What are the causes of this situation, and how can government, universities and the students themselves overcome the problem?

#people #cost #university #level #education #students #situation #government #universities
Getting high-level education tends to be
prohibitive
Change the adjective
prohibitively
show examples
 expensive for pupils and their parents. The root of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues can be stemmed from three areas of
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
, and the answers to
this
 problem
also
 can be. In
this
 essay,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of causes and solutions will discussed, respectively, followed by a reasoned conclusion. A lack of state
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for institutes can be one of the major contributors
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 higher tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
. If the government subsidy was not enough, it would lead educational organizations to increase the payment to provide necessary
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 in which special
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and facilities
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
 for training
students
.
For example
, In some engineering major programs,
students
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to conduct
Add an article
an
the
show examples
experiment at
special
Add an article
the special
a special
show examples
 facility which costs a fortune for universities. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of some
students
, it might be difficult to get higher education
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of budget and family
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young adults tend to be financially dependent on their parents.
However
, if the family had many children, it would be impossible to provide all of
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
 with higher education. One of
ways
Add an article
the ways
show examples
 to solve the reduction of state
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
 can be long-term
installment
Change the spelling
instalment
show examples
 or allowance for universities. If there were
necessity
Correct article usage
a necessity
show examples
 which lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
fee
Change preposition
in fee
show examples
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could provide a special allowance for institutes. By doing so,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 could provide courses without increasing the cost and
also
 enhance the opportunity for
students
 to take high-level
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
. Another way to solve the problem might depend on
students
Correct article usage
the students
show examples
 themselves. There are plenty of examples in which many
students
 from developing
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 are taking courses at world raking universities without paying
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
single penny. If they passed the application requirements including examinations like
SAT
Correct article usage
the SAT
show examples
, GRE
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ect
Correct your spelling
etc.
, there would be
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 chance to get a fund from any kind of
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
 in terms of scholarship. In summary, the root of funding and financial depend appear to be the main cause.
Co-ordinated
Correct your spelling
Coordinated
show examples
approaches from government, educational organizations, and figures might moderate the hardness of
this
 situation.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: