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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Alcohol consumption has increased dramatically over the years. Some people believe that government should increase taxes on alcoholic beverages but others oppose to this idea and advocate personal responsibility. What do you think?

#alcohol #consumption #years #people #government #taxes #beverages #idea #advocate #responsibility
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Over the past few
years
Add a comma
,years
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alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 has significantly
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rise
risen
 due to
origin
Correct article usage
the origin
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 of
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
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 range of alcoholic brands and
it
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its
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appearance
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appears
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 in different advertisement placements. In front of
this
Linking Words
 issue,
people
Use synonyms
 have divided
in
Change the preposition
into
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 two groups, there are ones who claim that the government should increase taxes on alcoholic drinks and there are others who think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 should remain
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 personal responsibility. The
next
Linking Words
 paragraphs examine
the
Remove the article
apply
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both sides of the argument until to reach a reasonable conclusion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is
clearly
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clear
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 to see why so many
people
Use synonyms
 will support the levy increase. One of
these reason
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this reason
these reasons
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 the discouragement of
consumption
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 and promotion of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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.
People
Use synonyms
 have to know how irresponsible
consumption
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 of
alcohol
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 can ruin their lives and how to solve
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
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 it happens/occurs.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the governments could administrate beverage taxes in a positive way,
for example
Linking Words
 investing
this
Linking Words
 money in
people
Use synonyms
 affected by alcoholism and helping them to reconstruct their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 of the argument, there are some reasons against
of
Change preposition
apply
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the measure. In the
Correct your spelling
first
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fist
Correct your spelling
first
show examples
 place the violation of free will right.
People
Use synonyms
 have the primary right to choose and decide what is better for them. In case of imposing the measure,
people
Use synonyms
 will act against their will and that will produce general discontent in the society.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, why everyone should be punished and
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
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 the same price?
In other words
Linking Words
, it is unfair that occasional
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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 of beverage drinks should pay the same price as reckless consumers. In conclusion, I think the governments should protect
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 irresponsible
consumption
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 of substances
such
Linking Words
 as
alcohol
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 always allowing the right of personal decision.
Submitted by eugenia.naz12 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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