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Band 5.5

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #think #government #responsibility
Nowadays,many individuals tend to consume outside
food
 like Italian pizza,fast
food
 and biryani.these are the main reasons to cause
health
problems
 as well as weight gain,
therefore
 some people claim that government should take measures to avoid these issues,but I strongly disagree with
this
 statement.because it is our responsibility to protect our
health
.
To begin
 with,these days,youngsters
are do
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not consume
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 items.because they think that outside nourishment is very delicious compared to cooking
food
 at home,so it leads to some fitness
problems
.
moreover
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 sitting at home continuously is
also
 one reason to gain weight.
for instance
,nowadays,technology is increasing by leaps and bounds with a lot of electronic gadgets
such
 as computers,mobile phones,
therefore
 children prefer to play video games on the phone
instead
 of going out.it leads to
health
problems
 like obesity and heart diseases.
furthermore
,during
lockdown
Add an article
the lockdown
a lockdown
show examples
,software employees did not have a chance to go office,so at that time they use computers for the job purpose. On another hand,there are
also
 some measures to reduce these
problems
.
firstly
,parents do not allow their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 to eat unhealthy
food
.because it contains more fat as well as low vitamins.
secondly
,youngsters should be encouraged to play outdoor games in order to reduce weight gain.
additionally
,individuals spend some time to do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 as well as
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a diet.these days,many youngsters are addicted to smoking,it
is
Change the verb form
also leads
show examples
also
 leads to
problems
such
 as cancer and tuberculosis,so government should ban the
ciggerates
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
.
for example
,according to the survey,most people
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from cancer due to
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smoking,
thus
 government take serious measures to avoid
this
. To conclude,
health
 is wealth,we can not reach our ambitions
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 proper
health
,so it is our responsibility to protect our
health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it is an indispensable thing in everyone's life.
Submitted by anushachenna15 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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