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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh
Recently, giant internet entities adopted an approach of recording and tracking people private
information
, these
information
 are used to build a huge database that contains maybe every aspect of our life, starting from minor and general
information
 up to very specific detailed
information
. I believe that the advantages of
such
approach
Correct article usage
an approach
show examples
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 outweigh the disadvantage,
although
 the former might be beneficial from different perspectives. One of the main advantages of recording general
information
 like name, age, gender, etc. is that some smart web pages are using
this
 age data to block some web contents which are not suitable to the user age, some other employs
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
information
 to select what type of advertisements to be presented to the user, and so on.
On the other hand
, collecting and saving users private
information
 requires a serious level of protection and security since now we are living in a digital world. These days burglars are not wearing a black striped T-shirt and
waiting
Add the preposition
forwaiting
show examples
 you to get outside of your home, today internet theifs are called hackers and can hack into any software no matter the level of security is being used, hackers can access users private
information
 and apply phishy tricks to steal valuable things on the personal level like your credit card
information
 and clean your bank account. In my personal opinion, recording users personal
information
 has some advantages but the associated risks
are far surpasses
Change the verb form
are far surpassed
are far surpassing
show examples
 and can not be mitigated or tolerated. The disadvantage of exposing recorded user
information
 is
impairable
Correct your spelling
comparable
 and badly serious, Organizations shouldn't proceed to collect
this
information
 unless they are capable of protecting them.
Submitted by eng.ahmed.mohamed.2007 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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