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Writing Samples
Band 5

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh
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The companies providing online services
such
Linking Words
 as delivering food and grocery save customer private data which include the current location
also
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, website cookies save on the phone.
Such
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information
Use synonyms
 is not really needed by the company,
although
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 by
this
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information
Use synonyms
 computer algorithm makes a perfect right choice of product for the customer at right time.
Firstly
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, the company can track customers each movement through the phone used by them. The application used for ordering
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 can track the location, contacts, a camera and the phone history through which the code created by engineers displays the advertisement of a
perticuler
Correct your spelling
particular
 product customer was looking
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
Furthermore
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, the
Information
Use synonyms
 help organisations to know more about the users and their behaviour. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 is the customised marketing ads
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
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 on every website we visit.
However
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,
although
Linking Words
 the
information
Use synonyms
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the
busines
Correct your spelling
business
 to
genrate
Correct your spelling
generate
 more profit,
this
Linking Words
 private
information
Use synonyms
 about individuals
sometimes
Add a missing verb
is sometimes
show examples
 taken without permission. The Person using services is not aware of what is being shared by accepting the terms and conditions as many of them do not read
full
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
 page of it. The best
explation
Correct your spelling
explanation
 for
this
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 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
, In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 couple of
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 facebook company has faced many legal problems because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
primerly
Correct your spelling
primarily
 took users data and used it for USA elections. In conclusion,
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 major number of companies are taking our data and using it
agaist
Correct your spelling
against
 us. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
, by
understaing
Correct your spelling
understanding
 the above points, professionals are tricking us to buy the product.
Thus
Linking Words
 the disadvantages of storing the
cutomers
Correct your spelling
customers
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 detrimental, in my opinion.
Submitted by homegardener on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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