IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face- to- face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

#world #shop #work #people #internet #face- #to- #face #contact #development
In today's era, with an upsurge in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
 usage,
need
Add an article
the need
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 in-person contact is gradually eliminating. I believe that
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 of
this
 opportunity outnumber its demerits. Commencing with , one chief benefit of using the
internet
 as a means of making purchases, working and v communicating would be the lowered demand of transport as
people
 can perform all these activities by sitting in their homes. Owing to
this
, gas emissions would be diminished which could significantly contribute to
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
 a cleaner environment.
Moreover
,
reduced
Correct article usage
a reduced
show examples
 Commuting burden will save a lot of time. Every individual could spend their free time in various ways like working , studying and talking with family and friends to Strengthen their relationships , which would be more productive .
In addition
 to
this
 ,
Usage
Correct article usage
the Usage
show examples
 of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 would promote the development of telecommunication applications. These technologies have made it possible to send and receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
audiovisual content by pushing just a few buttons. Through
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Add a comma
,internet
show examples
people
 would get more opportunities to explore many options of shopping, business deals and communicate with a vast range of
people
. Apart from
this
, it will make a
Add a hyphen
long-range
show examples
long - range
Correct your spelling
long-range
show examples
 communication possible very easily as
oppose
Change the form of the verb
opposed
show examples
 to ancient times when communication was possible only through paper-based letters, which could take months to reach the recipient. Conclusively,
people
 should use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to make any purchase , business and to communicate with their friends and teammates, since it would have their lots of time which could be spent in
another productive ways
Replace the adjective
another productive way
other productive ways
show examples
 and it would
also
 help for creating a cleaner environment.
Submitted by ritu1508.dcsa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: