IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

#government #ban #places #people #freedoms
Nowadays, people have known that smoking is
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human beings.
Therefore
, some claim that prohibiting smoking must be taken action in all open facilities by the government, even though the banning regulation would affect smokers’ right to use those places. In my opinion,
this
 action is essential to do.
Also
,
this
 essay will probe some reasons to support
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, using cigarettes have been proved by doctors and scientists for years that it would cause many lethal diseases
such
 as lung cancer.
However
,
such
 a dangerous disease does not happen
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 smokers only. In fact, scientists found that those who approach the
smoke
 might get sick as well.
In addition
, if the cigarette has not
taken
Add a missing verb
been taken
show examples
 care
well
Change preposition
of well
show examples
, it might lead to fire accidents, though it was a little flame at the very beginning.
For instance
, it is common to see tragedies on the news that a burning cigarette was thrown into a bin but there
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 newspapers,
then
 the fire out of the control and burn the whole building.
Moreover
, banning smoking can
also
 help us to keep the place clean
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cigarette
Add an article
the cigarette
show examples
 users would throw the used cigarettes on the ground
instead
 of the specific bin. As for the smoking additions, the
prohibit
Change the verb form
prohibited
show examples
 behaviour might make them uncomfortable while they desire to
smoke
, but it is not a big deal to stop for a short period. After all, they can still
smoke
 when they leave the place or they can
smoke
 in the allowed areas. In summary, limiting smoking in public places has a lot of benefits.
Furthermore
,
this
 action could reduce the opportunity to get our
lung
Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
show examples
 sick or the possibility of fire accidents.
Submitted by cat861119 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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