IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Most government money should be invested in teaching science rather that any other subjects in order to a country to develop and progress.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #science #subjects #country #progress
Instead
 of spending on other
subjects
 to advance national progress, higher authorities are spending most of the amount on
science
,which degrade other
subjects
 and that led to inequality in society. I disagree with
this
 statement and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will try to elaborate my opinion in the following essay. Undeniably, at present days where every stream is growing rapidly because the world is changing every day even if see fields like information technology or business management which contribute amazing results in the economy in recent years. and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think the education system is designed in
such
 a way where every subject is equally important. ,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 in many ,
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 we can see the government is focusing more on
science
 to boost the health sector but
science
 can not individually progress it totally depends on commerce for e.g if any drug company introducing new drug but don't know how to market them at that point commerce come in the picture. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 where the world is transforming more into a digital era every stream is important for collectively good results. To resolve that, I think the government should consider to revaluate budget and equally invest in other
subjects
 as well because country overall growth depends on every field to add to that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think any nation need an equal amount of progress in
science
, business or arts to maintain infrastructure and all of these programs are dependent on each other so national decision takers should run awareness programmes for all
subjects
.and other streams should not only helpful for the economy but
also
 solve employment problem in many countries.
Submitted by kundnaniavi50 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Competitiveness
  • Scientific literacy
  • Catalyst
  • Renewable energy
  • Holistic
  • Global challenges
  • Critical thinking
  • Cultural awareness
  • Curriculum
  • Skilled workforce
  • Pressing problems
  • Job market saturation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: